I am not very Chinese anyway, so here are some Chinese pastries.

Today marks the return of the Mid-Autumn Festival. Every year, my mother likes to tell us of the festival's significance in our romantic lives.

Along with offering me "any prize I want in the world" to have a boyfriend, she also likes to buy me mooncakes so that I may offer them to Favorite Boy X.

This year, Matchmaker Mom reminds me to be coy and not give away the identity of my mooncake dealer:

With [Favorite Boy X] - Never tell him that i gave the moon cake to him, pleas!!!!, that will spoil the feeling. It is from "you" !!!!. You want to share, maybe he may not like it. But i think [Favorite Boy X] is the kind of guy, mind is open. Also you are not very Chinese anyway, tell him that. You know many foods are strange to others.

Moon cake festival is a big holiday, mixing of the feelings of Valentine and Thanksgiving as to Americans for now . You know some legendary story too from Chinese school. WEll only if [Favorite Boy X] has time or has chance to listen.

May you all have a lovely Mid-Autumn Festival, with a roast turkey in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other.

Just In Case

And, just in case I wasn't listening closely enough, she sent me a card with the recipe:

Per our conversation, here is the ingredients of makes 12 slices of chorizo & quails eggs

12 slices French bread, sliced on the diagonal, about 1/4 inch or 5 mm thick

1-1/2 oz or 40 g cured, ready to eat chorizo. Cut into 12 thin slices

olive oil

12 quails eggs (actually the quail eggs are 10 in one box)

mild paprika

salt & pepper

fresh flat-leaf parseley to garnish

(Enclosed cash is for you to have when you go to market. My love to you is in there too.)

Have fun!

For my birthday, she sent me $5. To go to market, she sent me $20. She means business.

Follow Up

Text following conversation:

Definitely need two

boxes quail eggs to practice i did it i have

two boxes left in

refrigerator i have tips

paper towel needed tiny

tip ssisors and small

knief only artisy

archtechi and skilled

fingers can handle with

patience determination

and sincere heart will be

able to make them no

need to pass out no

one will repeat it is a

love tapa.

February 4th: Snow Day & Best Conversation Ever

Last year, my mom met a boy at church. She is convinced we are fated for each other.

Over Christmas, she spent about 30 minutes detailing her "courtship" between her and my dad. I wasn't sure if the story had a point, but then finally at the end she revealed that "it would be okay if he and I became friends." I had her blessing.

Today, I missed a call from her and then she sent a blank text message (she just learned how to text). So I called her back.

Mom: OH HI! I AM AT HOME!

Me: I AM AT HOME TOO! It snowed here too!

Mom: OH GREAT! I want to tell you something! I am too excited! Just so excited! I don't want you think that I'm manipulating you, or forcing you, or making you do anything, okay?? This was a revelation!

Me: oh. great.

Mom: You're already upset!

Me: You just said, "Don't think I'm manipulating you," what am I supposed to think?

Mom: It was a revelation! A REVELATION!!!

Me: Just tell me what it is.

Mom: OK. So I saw this book of tapas, it's like little dishes, but Spanish, maybe you know, it's like Chinese dimsum.

Me: Yes.

Mom: OK. So I saw this recipe: churrasa, ch-chorrchu, churmichu, c-h-o-r-i-z-o

Me: chorizo

Mom: --chorizo and quail egg toast!

Me: That sounds fun.

Mom: Yeah! Chorizo is a sausage and I bet you can get it from Central Market.

She then proceeds to read me the recipe word-for-word:

Mom: First, cut a loaf of French bread on the diagonal into 12 pieces. Now, you could buy more bread and cut it into more pieces. I think this recipe was translated from Spanish because it's not French bread, it's that long and skinny bread, you know?

Me: They probably mean a baguette.

Mom: Yeah, a baguette. See, their English isn't very good.

Me: A baguette is French bread. That's why the word is "baguette." That's not English.

Mom: Ohhh okay. Then, cut the "churosa" into 12 thin slices. You have to cut it very thin! You could buy more sausage and cut it into more slices too, you know.

Me: Yes, I know.

Mom: ...transfer to a platter and reserve. See? Again, I don't think their English is very good in this recipe. "Reserve," that is not English.

Me: Yes it is. It means to put it aside and save it for later, reserve. That's not their English problem; it's yours.

Mom: Ha! Okay ...and then, top each slice of French bread and "chorossa" with a fried quail egg. Doesn't that sound fun?!

Me: Yes, it does.

Mom: So I saw this recipe, and I thought, and I thought, and I thought that it looked like you! It's so cute! So February 13th is on a Sunday, and Valentine's Day is on February 14th. (Aha, I know where this revelation is going now.) So I think you can make these, and put them on a red doily, and then you can put out a tray for special people. I don't know, maybe you can bring them to your office, or you could bring them to church, and give them to certain people at church, I don't know, WHOEVER, and then you can see who responds nicely, and whoever responds the most nicely, then you can give them a chance and date them!!! You know, whoever responds nicely you can date! Don't you think this is an ingenius idea??

Me: Well the toast does sound fun.

Mom: YEAH and I just knew it was a revelation because this toast is YOU. A quail egg is pretty oriental, but you know on top of French bread it is not so oriental --

Me: (egging her on at this point. pun intended) YEAH! It's like I'm blending in the Asian quail egg with the European bread and sausage! That's like me on toast!

Mom: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO! (barely breathing at this point) I thought that you were like the little quail egg, and then whoever responds nicely you can tell them that the churisan is because you went to Spain and Catalah and the French bread because you've been to France!

Me: Oh my! We'll have so much to talk about! We'll be talking for hours!!!

Mom: I KNOOOOOW!!!

Me: Now, an important question, what if the person "who responds nicely" is a girl??

Mom: NOOO!!!!! This treat is not for girls! It is a man treat! It is savory!

Me: Oh, you're right. Girls do not eat savory things.

Mom: Right! I mean, you know who I am talking about.

Me: Of course I do.

Mom: Okay, then we don't have to talk about it. I mean, you don't even have to tell me after you did it! You can experiment beforehand to make sure it's good! So you're going to do it, right?!

Me: You just told me I didn't have to tell you.

Mom: Good grief, eat my own words! Okay, good luck! I can't wait for February 13th!

February 1st

I called Mom and said, "Happy Birthday, Mom!"

She said, "Get married, Alexa!"

I Love Best

Recently, our mom has discovered Best Buy. She lovingly refers to it just as "Best," the same way she refers to Bed, Bath, & Beyond as any mixed-up combination of those words.

She bought a laptop over the holidays from Best, and after we left, I received a phone call.

Me: Mom, I missed your call.

Mom: Oh yeah, I didn't know how to turn on my laptop but I called Melodie.

Me: Mom! That circle with a line through it is the universal symbol for power!

Mom: Yeah! I didn't know that! Can you believe it?

Me: No. Yes. I don't know what to say.

Are We There Yet?

All proper family holidays include a road trip. This year, we took our child, and by that I mean our mom, on a roadtrip to College Station.

In the car:

Mom: Joy, your hair looks dry.

Joy: Ok.

Mom: Joy, do you put lotion on?

Joy: Yes.

Mom: Where are we now? Why is nobody talking?

Melodie: Maybe we should just be silent for 5 minutes.

(10 seconds pass)

Mom: Let's play a game!

Alexa: Should we play...the alphabet game?

Mom: No, let's count cars!

Melodie: This is going to be a long game.

So, we counted cars.

Alexa: Toyota Tacoma

Mom: Tacoma, Tee-AY-Kay

Alexa: Nope

Mom: Tee-AY-SEE-OH-EM-AY?

Alexa: Yes

Mom: Toyota Tacoma

During our roadtrip, we learned to recognize the logo for Infiniti, that F-150s are smaller than F-250s, and that F-150 is not pronounced, "FISO."

Lost, not necessarily in Translation

Mom calls (again):

Mom: Hi! I forgot to tell you (jumble of words) crunch!

Me: What's that? I didn't understand you.

Mom: Crunch! Crunch!

Me: What does that mean? What are you talking about?

Mom: Crunch! Crunch! You used to like chocolate krispie!

Me: Oh, no thank you.

Mom: What, no thank you? What does that mean?
Me: It means no, I do not need it.

Mom: Why? I bought it for your students.

Me: You already bought it? What are you saying? Will you speak in whole sentences? I don't know what you're asking.

Mom: Crunch! Kit Kat! Crunch!

Me: Mom! Complete sentences! I don't know what you're asking.

Mom: (louder) CRUNCH! KIT KAT!

Me: Do you already have the Crunch and Kit Kat?

Mom: Yes.

Me: Oh, okay then. Thank you. I didn't realize you already had it.

Mom: What should have I said? Teach me.

Me: You should have said, "I bought some chocolate for your students. Make sure to take it with you when you come home." and I would have said, "Thank you."

Mom: Ohh...now I know.

Me: I'm sweating.

中秋節: Mid-Autumn Festival

Tomorrow is Mid-Autumn/Mooncake Festival. On this day, the moon is closest to the earth, so the moon looks full and bright.

Our mom used to buy us mooncakes so that we could eat them together and look at the moon on that night, but now she just sends us insightful emails about the holiday:

The boy usually will ask the girl out on this night to watch th ebeautiful moon if he likes her, but he will not say it directly at this time. If the girl takes the date which meant, she agrees his courting.

** So, how about you ladies go try the OPPOSITE way, go ask a boy out on that night, if you likes [or loves] him in your secret heart.~~~~ So let the moon fairy knows your heart!

Happy 中秋節, I loves you!